Knob jockey.
If you were concerned that British innovation was taking a nosedive post-Brexit, worry not. The uncomfortable sounding firm British Condoms are bringing out something that every gadget-loving chap will be excited about: an activity tracker for your penis. If you've ever wondered how many thrusts you managed during that intense two minute sex session, the i.Com will tell you. And your friends.
And no, the i.Con isn't an actual reusable electronic condom you have to roll off and wash after each use, but rather a self-contained ring that fits at the base of your todger, measuring movement, temperature, and girth. Yes, girth. All the data collected from you and your partners 'special time' is then presented on the connected smartphone app, where users have the choice to share the info with other app users. Gross.
No actual shots of the i.Com itself yet, but pre-orders can already be made for £59.99. For the idiot who has everything, except a sense of appropriateness, go to britishcondoms.uk
Seriously though... "British Condoms" just doesn't sit right with us at all.
