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25 October 2017

FEATURE: Completely mental Halloween decorations

Fearmongering.

Halloween - it's just a bit of fun for the kids, right? Sure. However, there is always that one party goer, or that one neighbour, who goes completely overboard and ends up terrifying everyone who goes near to that house. If you were wondering where those psychopaths get all their horrific ideas for props and decorations from, its probably online features like these. So, here are five completely WTF Halloween decorations.



Pregnant woman with baby prop


Holy shit, we've started off rough with this one. Almost a metre long, the prop features the lovely portrayal of a pregnant woman, whose legs have been amputated (as you do) with some kind of evil demonic fiend bursting out of her womb. What larks! We're guessing this would make a great door decoration, to really invite trick-or-treaters to ring your doorbell. A doorbell that we would hope is nowhere near a maternity ward.

£79.20 from www.thelaughingstock.co.uk


Remembrance and Redemption Angel Sculpture


Sure, what every garden needs is a WEEPING-FUCKING-ANGEL! Fans of Doctor Who will recognise the resemblance this statue has to those creepy-ass evil bastards from the show, but this one has been designed to sit in your garden and give it a 'actually very genuinely sad, and not just boo and scary sad' feeling. And, once Halloween is over, you could leave it there to remind your neighbours that they should never blink. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T BLINK!

£34.95 from www.gardensite.co.uk


Atmos FX Projections


We featured these guys in a news story recently when we first heard about them. Basically, Atmos FX make DVDs and digital downloads of horrific things. You set up a screen in your window or doorway, hook up a projector, and make it seem like there are zombies in your house. There are lots of films to choose from, so no matter how you've decided to scare the shit out of your friends and neighbours, you're sure to find something.

Visit atmosfx.com



Crawling Woman decoration


If the sight of this horrid thing wasn't enough to frighten you, the fact that its eyes light up might help. Sure, why not place this clearly screaming, agonised, fucking mental sculpture of a woman on your porch, to welcome one and all to your home. When not in use frightening kids who come begging for sweets, you could leave it in the garden and make mother-in-law jokes about it.

£149 from www.ebay.co.uk


Glow in the dark Pet Ghost


You can always rely on Etsy for some random bat-shit crazy stuff. Whereas many of the things on there are beautiful works of art, others are... well... "delightfully handmade". Check out this pet ghost you can own, who comes with his own glass jar and who glows, eerily, in the dark. Yeah, we know it isn't horrific, but if you really can't be bothered to make any effort at all, buy just one of these, pop it in your window, and the tick-or-treaters will avoid your house. Because they will feel sorry for you.

£3.10 each from www.etsy.com




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