If you thought it was merely immigrants that Theresa May was banning from the UK, think again. Thatcher Mk. II has issued a decree that the Apple Watch is to be forbidden... in Cabinet meetings, that is. Although the smartwatch was previously allowed under David Cameron's government, with arseface Michael Gove regularly sporting one, May thinks they are a threat to security as the Russians could hack them and use them as listening devices. No joke.
Smartphones are already banned from cabinet meetings, with rumours there is a special lead lined box in 10 Downing Street into which the government officials have to place their gadgets. We're not too sure what May and her cronies are worried about though; everyone already knows what cabinet meetings are all about. It's a group of wealthy tax-dodgers making racist jokes, then making those jokes a reality.
There you go Russia, saved you the hassle.